Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Culturally Insensitive Rant RE: Pants

Okay, I feel compelled to warn you that if you have no sense of humor, read no further.  If you forgot your common sense or left it at home, stop reading now.  This blog post will in no way be politically correct, nor will it be "culturally sensitive."  Not that I care!  My high horse is in the corral and I have dusted off my soap box.  Here we go...

As part of the getting ready to homeschool process, I have been reading a number of blogs and posts regarding the subject.  I have picked up some great advice here and there too.  But last night, I came across a phenomena that I knew just had to be a joke.  Unfortunately, it is not.  Apparently there is a movement of some sort out there in cyberspace encouraging American women in the year 2011 to switch to wearing skirts exclusively.  Are you kidding me??? No Pants????  PLEASE (with great sarcasm) !!!!!

First of all, let me state that if a woman wants to wear skirts, so be it.  I couldn't care less.  It is a personal choice (in my opinion) and in a free country, let her wear what she pleases.  I personally loathe skirts.  Always have, always will.  Wore them to Catholic school because I had to do so, but hated them.  Wore suits (with skirts, exclusively) when I was in court with heels and hose as a practicing attorney. Hated the skirts, hated the heels and especially hated the hose.  I am not a skirt kind of women.  I can think of 3 dresses that I have truly liked: 1) Raggedy Ann dress with apron and doll on front with a little zipper on the doll which when opened said "I love You."  I believe I was 3 or 4.  My mother should be smiling at that one.  2) Red Sheath linen dress that was strapless with a bolero jacket which I wore to my rehearsal dinner.   It was so cute that I didn't mind that it was a dress.  3) My wedding dress.  The material was so soft that I told my mom that it was like wearing sweatpants.  It was the highest compliment for comfort that I could utter.  It was really pretty too.  Needless to say, I virtually never wear a skirt-- not even to church.  I will pull them out for special occasions only:  Weddings, Baptisms, First Communions and funerals.  I will begrudgingly put them on with the dreaded heels.  I try to dodge the "hose bullet" if I can. Yuk!

Clearly I am not going to be "converted" to the "All skirt, All the Time" movement.  As if I should be!  I read with fascination as people discussed why they would or wouldn't wear skirts full time and what their husbands think about this topic.  [Thread on Covering & Skirts]  My husband would never dream of telling me what to wear (at least not and live to tell the tale).  If he was looking for a meek, submissive wife then "he choose poorly" (to quote the old knight in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade).  He definitely choose of his own free will, a much more loud, in your face kind of wife.  We are not the Costanza's from Seinfeld, nor or we Ward and June Cleaver.  We have been married (continuously and to the same person) for over 15 years.  However, you will not see us gracing the cover of "Marital Bliss and Harmony" magazine as the year's poster couple. Guess that might make us pretty "normal," if there is such a thing.

But what really caused me to pull out my soap box was a July article from a Catholic website that got quoted in the above-mentioned thread. [Anti Pants Link] I looked, I read, I seethed. Fourteen reasons why we frail and humble creatures should not wear pants ever again.  We certainly wouldn't want to tempt men into sin and lust.  GIVE ME A BREAK!  It almost makes me want to convert to anything else.  I might have to go buy a crystal so I can hug some trees and get away from the anti-pants nuts. (Told you I was going to be culturally insensitive.)

If only every woman would return to a skirt, all of the woes of the world would be resolved--no hunger, no diseases, no war, no child abuse, no drug abuse, no alcoholism.  If only we rid the world of the pestilence of pant wearing women, the world would be in perfect harmony.  Human rights around the globe would be respected and cats and dogs would live together in a peaceful coexistence.  NOT!!!!

# 4 on the list is: "Sadly, and we understand you may not be aware of this, but almost every style of pants reveals private information about your figure (by way of contour) what only your husband (and if not him, no man, including your sons, if you have sons) should perceive."

So I believe this image should satisfy the writer of the blog.  We wouldn't want to convey any private information.  I genuinely think that burqas would be the logical "next step" if the anti-pants movement were to become the norm. But wait, aren't there numerous international organizations fighting right now for women's basic human rights?  Aren't burqas pervasively found in those societies which offer women the fewest human rights under the guise of protecting them from the harmful lust of men?

Gentlemen, (and I use that term oh so loosely) if your lust is so out of control, the problem is NOT with the woman you are ogling and what she is wearing. It is your own pathetic lack of self-control.  You are not a toddler, we don't have to lock up all the cabinets (or women) to keep you safe from yourself.  It is time to find some personal responsibility and deal with your own problems and issues.  Keep your condescending platitudes to yourself and go practice some deep breathing techniques! Sorry to say that in this country, the "No Pants Brigade" won't be allowed to stone me for disagreeing.

I am putting my soap box away now.  Phew!

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